Thursday, November 14, 2013

Fredric Brown - Pi In The Sky

Then having denied himself the supreme pleasure long enough, he turned his eyes up to the silent sky, and there it was. The four hundred and sixty-eight brightest stars, spelling out: USE SNIVELY’S SOAP.
For just a second did his satisfaction last. Then his face began to turn an apoplectic purple. "My heavens!" said Mr. Sniveley. "It’s spelled wrong!" His face grew more purple still, and then, as a tree falls, he fell backward through the window.
An ambulance rushed the fallen magnate to the nearest hospital, but he was pronounced dead — of apoplexy — upon entrance.
But misspelled or not, the eternal stars held their positions as of that midnight. The aberrant motion had stopped, and again the stars were fixed. Fixed to spell — SNIVELY’S SOAP.

There is one fact remaining which is painful to consider, since it casts a deep reflection upon the basic intelligence of the human race. It is proof, though, that the president’s executive order was justified, despite scientific protest.
That fact is as humiliating as it is enlightening. During the two months and eight days during which the Sniveler machine was in operation, sales of Sniveley Soap increased nine-hundred-twenty per cent.

Sunday, March 31, 2013

Maurice Moss - IT crowd

Women, eh?
What are they? Who knows?
Can't live with them, can't find them... sometimes.
What's going on in their little heads?
Don't ask me, I'm not a flippin' women psychiatrist.
But I have learned one or two things from conversations with my mother.

Thursday, February 7, 2013

Robert Sheckley - Journey Of Joenes

Joenes found this reply scarcely credible. He said "Mr. Watts, these people do not look dead. And in actual fact, all exaggeration aside, they are NOT dead, are they?"

"I never put exaggeration aside," Watts told him. "But since you're a stranger I'll try to explain a little more. To begin with, death is merely a matter of definition. Once the definition was very simple: you were dead when you stopped moving for a long time. But now the scientists have examined this antiquated notion more carefully and have done considerable research on the entire subject. They have found that you can be dead in all important respects and still go on walking and talking."

Monday, January 21, 2013

Robert Sheckley - Specialist

Human - specialist - Pusher - he entered fully into the Crew, merged with them, threw mental arms around the shoulders of Thinker and Talker.
Suddenly, the Ship shot forward at eight times the speed of light. It continued to accelerate.

Robert Sheckley - Morning After

He was Walter Hill Piersen, 32, unmarried, unemployed, unwanted. He had taken a job when he was eighteen, to please his parents. But he had given it up after a week, because it bored him and interfered with his sleep. He had considered marriage once, but the responsibilities of a wife and family appalled him. He was almost thirty-three, thin, flabby-muscled, and pallid. He had never done anything of the slightest importance to himself or to anyone else, and he never would.

Sunday, January 20, 2013

Henry Kuttner - Nothing But Gingerbread Left

And, a little while later-days or weeks, it doesn't matter - Goebbels is going to walk into a big room, and there he's going to see Adolf Hitler goose-stepping around and yelling:
LEFT a wife and SEVenteen children in
STARVing condition with NOTHing but gingerbread

Saturday, January 19, 2013


- Bookies got blagged last night.
- Blagged? Speak English. This country spawned the language, and nobody seems to speak it.